Am I old?

Am I old?

I don’t feel old, not really. But have I grown old?

As I write this, I’m in my late 50’s. That fact alone may answer the question, for some. I have more health issues than I used to, that’s true. I find I look at some things in terms of the value of what I receive versus the energy I have to expend to receive it. Some may tell me that this answers my question as well.

But here’s the thing: I don’t feel ‘old’. I feel as though I’ve experienced a fair bit of life, and that’s a different feeling. I feel like I’ve learned a few things, about living life, about what’s important and what’s not, about how to let go of things that earlier in my life I refused to. And that’s what makes me ask the question. Am I old, or have I just begun to understand the long view of life?

If I’m honest -and I am, or try to be, always- I have to admit that there are times when my energy for a given day becomes exhausted, and that didn’t used to happen. Maybe once a month, I’ll find myself dozing off for thirty minutes or an hour in the evening, and that didn’t used to happen, either. So it seems clear that the boundless energy reserves of my youth are ebbing, and that’s probably a sign of the lengthening stream of years which have passed beneath the bridge. I can’t deny that truth. Does that make me old?

I understand now that hate and envy are blinders, which keep me focused on the wrong parts of life. I understand that rage burns me, not the other person. I understand that for all my filth and sin, Almighty God still wants me in His heaven. That makes me feel young, and valued, and loved. I understand that things are going to get worse, because God says in His Word that they will. So I don’t worry as much about the way my American society seems to be crumbling around me. I carried that burden throughout much of my life; I don’t feel it nearly as much anymore. My understanding of the things around me, of the way in which life unfolds, has grown, and continues to grow.

So perhaps the answer depends on how I choose to define “old”. By many standards of my little world, by the larger society around me…I am, in fact, old. Shall I choose to let that define me? To some extent, that’s not up to me. I am at the mercy of those with power, with authority over me. But to the extent I have the ability to define myself, I think I will continue to choose to see most of my life as not old. I say ‘most of my life’, because I don’t mind not helping friends move to a new home anymore, or not changing my own oil, or not being expected to run anywhere. I’m not opposed to taking occasional advantage of some of the benefits of having seen as much of life as I have. I miss hiking, which I did a little of during the misspent days of my youth, and just wandering in the woods. (A friend of mine is a stringer, a person who takes photographs, typically of local high school sporting events, or car accidents, or fires, and sells them to newspapers or websites. He laughingly commented, “Years ago I’d steal a glance or take a quick photo of the cheerleaders. Then nobody thought anything of it, but now I’m ‘Creepy Old Guy’!”) It’s interesting, and sometimes depressing, how merely the passage of years has affected how I’m perceived. I’m still the same guy, more or less. But the way others view me is different than in the days when I was twenty-five.

I choose to view myself as experienced. Older in years, yes, but perhaps a better consumer of the years that are to come. Hopefully a little wiser, as a result of the days I’ve already lived. A little slower on the video game trigger, but smarter about how to battle the bosses. A better person because of what my Lord has taught me, and maybe less concerned about the things that happen along the way, because I know He is control. I know where my final destination is, and I know I’ll be welcomed with loving arms when I get there. And that’s something to look forward to.

Greed & Lies

How much of what’s wrong with our America today involves either greed, or lies, or both?

I’ve been on this earth a few years now, and I find that one of these two sins seems to be a part of so much of what surrounds me.  The economic disaster that overtook us five years ago is all about greed.  Obviously the banking industry was and is greedy, that’s at the heart of what happened, and what has failed to happen since then.  The lending institutions that sold unqualified borrowers a mortgage were greedy.  Buyers who who snapped up houses they couldn’t afford, thinking that prices would continue to go up long enough for them to sell those homes again in just a few years -at a healthy profit, of course- were greedy.  Corporations that claim money they’ve never earned as “lost revenue” are greedy.  Corporations that want the legal protections of being a person but want none of the responsibilities of being a citizen are greedy.  Corporations that paper over wrongdoing with money by agreeing to ‘settle out of court’ and ‘pay a fine but admit no wrongdoing’ are greedy.  (Many other things besides, but greedy is in there, too.)  Companies who pay their upper management far more than they pay the people who actually earn the company’s wealth are greedy, and so are the individuals in upper management who allow this to happen.

Taxpayers who lie on their taxes are both greedy and liars.  Our courts and our advertising industry have one very large trait in common; they both try to tell the most extreme, one-sided version of something, and then call it “truth” only because it isn’t legally a lie.  In yet another proof that I’m old-fashioned and out of touch, I’ve always stood by the old legal oath, that Truth is ‘the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth’.  Both attorneys and advertising executives willfully ignore that middle part.  To me, leaving out parts of a story because they make you look bad, or don’t support your version of events, or contradict what you’re saying, is lying.  News organizations that don’t report stories, or under-report them, because their corporate masters don’t want the story publicized, are lying.  Companies that imply that their product is healthy, or environmentally safe, or doesn’t contain a particular chemical or compound, and get away with it because their claim is “only” misleading, are lying.  When I buy a bag of some food product and that bag is more than half empty, I’m being lied to.

And don’t get me started on politicians, and how much of our national politics is wrapped, drowned, steeped in greed and lies.

The thing of it is, these many people and varied organizations aren’t just lying or snapping up money; they’re lying to, and taking from, US.  We’re the ones they’re trying to fool, or mislead, or divert the attention of.  We’re the ones who will end up with less because of their thefts.  We’re the ones who are losing out.  Ultimately, we’re the ones who will pay the cost of their misdeeds.  We’re the ones who will gain weight, or purchase poor quality, or pay for national bailouts.

We’ve become a nation of “I’ll get mine, you get out of my way”.  We’ve become each other’s competition.  We don’t work together on very much.  Too many of us no longer believe in the concept of personal responsibility.  We’ve become a nation of victims, because then, everything bad that happens to us becomes an opportunity to cash in, at somebody we don’t care about’s expense.

Well, I can’t change the world.  But I can live my life according to what I believe is right, and not what somebody else tells me is right (or wrong).  Maybe most importantly, when push comes to shove, when an opportunity presents itself, when I am suddenly faced with a situation where I can either help someone in need or not, when I can press a claim against someone else or not, when I can ‘get away’ with something because I don’t think anyone is watching or will notice…

I can choose to be who I am.  I can choose to stop and help that person.  I can choose to ask for only enough to get my car fixed and my medical bills paid.  I can choose to give of my time to a homeless shelter or an elderly neighbor, or give money to someone who needs it more than I do.  I can choose to stand by my beliefs when it would be easy to abandon them for personal gain or relief.  I can choose to live my life according to what I know is right, instead of what this corrupt society around me constantly shouts is right.

But that’s me.  I’ve made my choice.  The question for you is…

…What will you do?