The Currency of God

I recently had occasion to be treated for several different medical issues, and ended up spending a combination of nearly a month in hospital. This, at a time when CoVid was filling this same hospital with suffering victims of the infection. Indeed, one night at one o’clock in the morning, I and my possessions were piled into my hospital bed and moved to a room on a different floor, so the hospital could rapidly create another CoVid-only floor, to house all the new patients that were flooding in.

It gives one pause…

Much of my time in the hospital was spent simply receiving various medications and being observed. I had time to think, in a setting dedicated to life, but which is also all too often the scene of death as well. I thought about a man in a nearby room, whom I heard frequently shouting to the nurses, “Help MEEEEEE!!”, and “WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME?!!!?”. His cries for help were borne of sincere need, but they were also in a demanding, selfish tone. I wondered if that’s how I sounded to God, when I prayed. Was I demanding His help? Do I seek to require His assistance, rather than humbly beseeching my Creator, who already knows my affliction and the outcome He has chosen for me, to aid me in my weakness, in my perceived need?

Believers know that life is a gift, a status that is bestowed upon each of us for a time, until eventually it is withdrawn again, and we are called to account for what we did with this gift. If we believe and are saved, then that temporary gift becomes eternal. In the gospels of Matthew and Luke, we read the parable of the three servants who were given responsibility by their master for portions of his wealth, while he traveled to a far land. After a time, he returns, and asks them what they did with what was entrusted to them. In Luke the property is expressed as minas, but in Matthew the property is described as silver ‘talents’. I always thought that the ‘talents’ referred to were simply coins; each servant was given a different number, with the first receiving ten talents, the second five, and the third one talent. But while the value of a talent has varied, in New Testament times it is estimated that a talent of silver was nearly 130 pounds of silver, an amount equal to a substantial portion of a servant’s income over his or her lifetime.

I have long believed that perhaps the greatest gift God might grant me, after the gift of life, is the gift of His wisdom. Put another way, I sought the gift of how to use the life and ‘possessions’ He has ‘given’ me, how best to spend what I have temporarily been entrusted with, appointed steward over.

My stays in the hospital have left me debilitated, and recovering slowly, if by His grace I am to recover what has been lost. One of my illnesses brought with it the threat of death, and it along with other complications have caused me to think on the end of this journey. I have been already blessed with decades of life, and I would deeply like to tell you that I have spent the majority of that time in faithful service to my King, but that is not the truth. To my shame, my walk of faith has been mostly about me, and too little about Him.

But as my time on this Earth draws ever closer to its inevitable and inescapable end, whenever that end may occur, the Holy Spirit has poured out His grace on me. It occurs to me that life is the currency with which God works. As life is a gift, believers also recognize that we do not own anything while we are here. We are merely keepers of what we have temporarily been given control over. We spend income to achieve our goals, and in that same way we can choose to spend a portion of our life to achieve God’s goals. Better yet, we can yield that life to Him, for Him to use – to spend – as He sees fit. Our lives…..become His currency.

I believe God has led me to a new job, one which puts me squarely in the cross-hairs of CoVid. It is a position of high exposure to the illness, and I bring to this potential exposure all of the co-morbidities that make me more likely to die if I become infected. So occupying my thoughts lately has been the question of my potential, impending………..end.

What if God leads me through the valley of the shadow of death….and there is no table for me, no feast in the presence of my enemies? Or what if that feast….is reunion with Him, and not an earthly celebration at all? Will I still be obedient and faithful? Or will I let my fears drive me, to another job, to a “safer” place…away from Him and His will? Will I spend my life, my gift, my currency from God….as I see fit? Will I choose to be “lawless”, as the Bible puts it? In my head, I have decided to serve Him, and walk the path He has set before me, in obedience. My heart….is a different matter.

I would like to tell you that I have that peace about my fate which passes understanding. Some days, some times, I do. But other times, in darker and lonelier nights… My heart trembles and bubbles and sobs with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear over my choice to believe in Him, fear of the power of this world to kill… This disease is far better at killing me than I am at avoiding it.

But my faith in Him who loves me remains. I choose to believe He exists, that He has a plan for my life. And if that plan is to lead me into a dark valley, and there to end my journey….then so be it. My existence has always been in His hands. And I will choose to walk that path which has been set before me to its end. So that when I reach that end, soon or in many years to come…let me be found faithful. Dreading the end of this life, but faithful to Him who gave it to me.

“Even so, come, Lord Jesus, come.”